Wednesday Wisdom – Motherhood, 25 years on

Today will always be a joyous one.  It celebrates the day my beautiful daughter was born, and with her entrance into the world, the commencement of experiencing the magical enrichment that children bring into our daily lives.  A few years later I was blessed with another happy arrival, my son, adding to this rich abundance.

How grateful I am, every day, for these two incredible human beings.  They are my sun, moon and stars – and always will be.

Motherhood is an ever eventful journey.  The endless challenges of aspiring to make something of a professional career, whilst also embracing all that being a mother requires, has unfolded with numerous ups and downs.  The relentless climb of forever seeking to be the best one can be, constantly learning and reaching to become better yet, never stops, irrespective of the silent audience that seldom (if ever) applauds what has been managed, negotiated and or achieved.

A coaching client, who is also a mother, and I recently shared the sentiment of how often those of us who choose to raise children whilst also building a career may slip into a sense of being neither fish nor fowl.  In business, particularly of a corporate nature, one runs the risk of not being seen to be dedicated enough due to family commitments, and in the stay-at-home mothering space, going out to work feels as if it is frowned upon, as if we are abandoning our offspring.

A sense of constantly straddling the line of what is required at work and what is needed in the home becomes the norm.  And if left to gather its own momentum, runs the risk of creating the gigantic tidal wave of constantly questioning one’s ability and confidence.

As time has moved on however, with the luxury of decades of professional experience in working with thousands of people and with much considered reflection and hindsight, I have come to appreciate that the ‘best’ of mothering is most often rooted in living life in a manner that enables rising up to meet our own sense of purpose.

It is when we are happy within ourselves and live our external lives in a way that truly encapsulates who we each uniquely are, that we are able to share, support, give, love and embrace so much more readily than if we become stuck in the internal chaos of constantly wondering how well – and whether – we fit the expectations of others.

Twenty five years into motherhood I have come to the realisation and solid belief that the greatest gift we can give our children, following on from love, care, shelter, health and education, is that of demonstrating how to believe in themselves.  In showing them that, in spite of the need to observe societal norms when necessary, our best lives are lived by being true to who we are.

It is in setting aside the constant distraction and seduction of the criticisms of others, that we are freed up to happen to life, rather than the other way around.

There will always be those who feel they know better, and those who seek affirmation from other mothers in order to ‘get it right’.  There is no such thing.  The only ‘right’ of motherhood is found in supporting one another in raising the next generation, irrespective of whether their way or another is similar or different to our personal paradigm.

It is said that it takes a village to raise a child, which perhaps is true.  It also takes a community of mothers, listening and lending support to one another so that each in turn, is empowered within their own uniqueness.

ELISE

12th of June 2019